7 Years of Silence

It’s been nearly seven years since I have done a blog post!  They have been a crazy 7 years, years of spiritual drought and minor growth and a lot of eye opening experiences. Can you relate?  When I wrote that first line , I thought of Joseph in Egypt,  and the seven years of famine that God had positioned him to prepare for. I can try and look back and say that God had prepared me for the last 7 years, but I don’t think he did! Sometimes I don't think that God prepares you for a lot of things that happen in your life, because if He did, then you wouldn't have that "need" to just fall flat on your face at his feet and in utter desperation cry out for his mercy, strength, and help. The things I have went through before these last 7 years, did make me a stronger person, in fact,  strong enough to be able to encourage a few people whose lives took the same path/direction mine had. It gave me insight and experience that they needed to help them go through it. Maybe, prayerfully, God is going to use these past 7 years to do the same for those who read these words now.

In 2013, I moved to Morehead City, NC, to do what I thought was going to be the thing that I felt I had been called to do all my life. A life of ministry. But, that door was shut, no it was SLAMMED in my face!  A closed door that hurt deeply. It shattered trust with those whom I thought was supposed to support me and be on my side. It sent me in a downward spiral of poor choices and spiritual dryness. I walked away from God and started living my own life, which of course, caused more pain and distrust. I became desperate for love, and searched in low places to find. The lowest of low places. I stayed longer than I needed to stay, and it cost me way more than I wanted to pay.

 It took 2 very long  years for me to get out of that place, and in 2015,  God did what God always does, He reminded me that only He could fill that empty hole in my heart. He did what every good lover does.. He chased me down ! He followed me to my deep, dark hole that I had dug for myself, drug me out, and filled that space that only he could fill. He showed up when I needed him most.  He showed me that He would never take my dark, ugly, and sinful past and throw it in my face, and that if I asked for forgiveness, He would forgive and wash it all away in His sea of forgetfulness!

In 2016, freedom, through severe pain, came. I had never, ever seen that generational chains of bondage had been cast upon me all my life, but through the acquiring of an official diagnoses for my son of Autism, and the rejection from my family, that my eyes were open and chains fell.

2017 brought change again. More pain, but way more gain! 5 years after becoming a single parent, God blessed me with the man whom he had planned for me. A man whom I could trust with my heart and life. A man who prayed for me, and with me, and helped me with my son. A man who saw the struggles of my pain of wanting to be seen, loved and understood.  It was and has been an amazing blessing in my life.

In 2018, we moved to Gates County, NC. It is a rural farming community, where the nearest Walmart is 30- 45 min away. Here is where our story continues. A slower paced life, but the struggles of life are still real. Full time working wife, mom, and nana, who still homeschools an Autistic young man with ADHD and anxiety. A woman who struggles to balance it all and try to have time to herself and time to do things that bring her joy and relaxation.

The journey is still ongoing, even though it has taken some twist and turns! Making memories is still my desire. So today, the next to the last day of the year,  I begin this new journey to blog more and let God use what he is teaching me and showing me to help others along the way. I pray that we strengthen and encourage each other to keep going in this fight we call life!