Today started out good! I relaxed on the couch and watched a Hallmark movies and drank some coffee and hung out with my oldest “daughter “. Then a trip to Walmart and a late afternoon meal, only to arrive home to do a quick custom vinyl order and find that my computer has died! Ok, I can switch to my iPad, no big deal...a little bit of a learning curve but I got the job done. Oh wait, yeah...I need a pin to pair it to the Cricut...but where is my instruction book with the pin?? Oh glory!! All I could say was “No weapon formed against me shall prosper!” Over and over again until at last I found the book and was able to complete the project. You see, God gave me a dream... to start my own business this year and make me successful so that I can stay at home and manage my son and his Autism. He needs to be face to face with me, for me to help him learn the skills he needs to grow. I have done what has needed to be done for the past few years, but it is time for me to focus on him. It’s time for me to step into my calling! So Devil..Listen up.. “No Weapon you have that you have formed against me shall prosper! Nothing you do will stop me from answering the call God has on my life!!! I am a Daughter of the Most High King of kings and Lord of lords!! I will prevail!!
Saturday, January 25, 2020
Friday, January 24, 2020
I’ve been on a writing slump! More like a block! I feel like I have been stifled. My birthday was on the 11th of January, and it was just another day. It hurt and was not what I expected. And then life got busy with back to school and routines, and then another school break, and sickness hit our house. Y’all, I am struggling. But everywhere I look I see little reminders from God that He has me and that He will provide what I need. And this song by Cody Carnes keeps playing in my head
...”I run to the Father,
I fall into grace,
I done with the hiding,
no reason to wait,
my heart needs a surgeon,
my soul needs a friend,
so I run to the Father again and again and again!
You saw my condition
Right form the start
Your plan for redemption
The price for my heart...
(Now here is the line that gets me every time...)
“I don’t have a context
For that kind of love
I don’t understand
I can’t comprehend
All I know is I need you!!”
God is such an amazing Father! He is a good good Father! He heals our wounds, our hearts, our sickness both physically and emotionally.
And how he loves me is so incomprehensible! Another song by Hillsong “Good Grace” says “ fix your eyes on this one truth God is madly in love with you!”
I would never get through this life without knowing that God loves me! That is what everyone yearns for in their life .. love.. to be shown love, to feel love, to KNOW they are loved!!
So yeah, while I am struggling, I run to my Daddy, I crawl in his big arms of safety, He loves on me like nobody else can or ever will and he heals me and whispers that He has me and He will never leave me or forsake me or forget me! I matter to Him!
I MATTER TO GOD!
And so do you!! Run to the Father! Fall into His grace!!
...”I run to the Father,
I fall into grace,
I done with the hiding,
no reason to wait,
my heart needs a surgeon,
my soul needs a friend,
so I run to the Father again and again and again!
You saw my condition
Right form the start
Your plan for redemption
The price for my heart...
(Now here is the line that gets me every time...)
“I don’t have a context
For that kind of love
I don’t understand
I can’t comprehend
All I know is I need you!!”
God is such an amazing Father! He is a good good Father! He heals our wounds, our hearts, our sickness both physically and emotionally.
And how he loves me is so incomprehensible! Another song by Hillsong “Good Grace” says “ fix your eyes on this one truth God is madly in love with you!”
I would never get through this life without knowing that God loves me! That is what everyone yearns for in their life .. love.. to be shown love, to feel love, to KNOW they are loved!!
So yeah, while I am struggling, I run to my Daddy, I crawl in his big arms of safety, He loves on me like nobody else can or ever will and he heals me and whispers that He has me and He will never leave me or forsake me or forget me! I matter to Him!
I MATTER TO GOD!
And so do you!! Run to the Father! Fall into His grace!!
Monday, January 6, 2020
A fresh start
So yesterday we “took down Christmas “. We took down the wreaths, the ornaments, the random decorations, the ribbon, the lights, and finally the tree. I was ready, ready for the end of the hustle and bustle and busyness to end. I was ready for a fresh start.
But, I wasn’t ready for the feelings to go away. Feelings of happiness and joy and love. The gift giving of gifts, spending time with family. That is what I wish would linger.
We got the house clean and everything and everybody ready to go back to school today and the house got quiet finally at 9 pm. I sat at my desk and planned out school for the next month and my planner stamped and prayer list filled out for the month and I reflected on the day.
I heard God say that the fresh start is what the tree and the lights are about. That love and happiness can go on..Jesus did the hard stuff on that tree, he died for me so I could have a fresh start, so his light could shine through me and point others to him.
I had just had to deal with my big boy having another Autism meltdown. Things had not gone like he was thinking they would, he was interrupted, he didn’t like how things felt. How do I manage to teach him that you can’t live on your feelings if they feel good or not. That’s what the devil tells you to do. Do it if it feels good! And so many times I am just as guilty! I don’t feel like cleaning! I don’t feel like... and I don’t do it! But I have to do things differently! I have to start doing them even when I don’t like how it feels because Jesus died a horribly painful death just for me! He did things that didn’t feel good so I could have a fresh start!
So today, I got up earlier than normal and had a fresh start! I did what didn’t feel good..I got out of bed! I didn’t rush to get ready, there was no yelling hurry up there was no crying there was just patience and calm and hopefully a little bit of Jesus shining.
Fresh start! Keep going everyday! A little more and more!
But, I wasn’t ready for the feelings to go away. Feelings of happiness and joy and love. The gift giving of gifts, spending time with family. That is what I wish would linger.
We got the house clean and everything and everybody ready to go back to school today and the house got quiet finally at 9 pm. I sat at my desk and planned out school for the next month and my planner stamped and prayer list filled out for the month and I reflected on the day.
I heard God say that the fresh start is what the tree and the lights are about. That love and happiness can go on..Jesus did the hard stuff on that tree, he died for me so I could have a fresh start, so his light could shine through me and point others to him.
I had just had to deal with my big boy having another Autism meltdown. Things had not gone like he was thinking they would, he was interrupted, he didn’t like how things felt. How do I manage to teach him that you can’t live on your feelings if they feel good or not. That’s what the devil tells you to do. Do it if it feels good! And so many times I am just as guilty! I don’t feel like cleaning! I don’t feel like... and I don’t do it! But I have to do things differently! I have to start doing them even when I don’t like how it feels because Jesus died a horribly painful death just for me! He did things that didn’t feel good so I could have a fresh start!
So today, I got up earlier than normal and had a fresh start! I did what didn’t feel good..I got out of bed! I didn’t rush to get ready, there was no yelling hurry up there was no crying there was just patience and calm and hopefully a little bit of Jesus shining.
Fresh start! Keep going everyday! A little more and more!
Friday, January 3, 2020
Getting organized
Today has been day 2 back to work after my long Christmas vacation. It’s been a busy 2 days of starting all new folders for the year, getting last years stuff ready to go to the accountant, etc. I kind of like it. Organizing and getting things filed and straight is my cup of tea. My life at home is crazy and I strive every day to keep it organized and straight, but some days I fail. Some days I say to myself that in a hundred years it won’t matter! What does matter is spending time with your family and your friends. And if I can’t spend time with some of them because they live far away from me I can pray for them. Today I have a friend who has been in the hospital since before Christmas, and they can’t find out what is causing her to stay sick. I pray for her and her family and that God show the Doctors what is going on. I also had a friend that passed away on January 1st from cancer. She had 3 little girls who loved their mommy very much and will miss her immensely! I pray for them and how they wish they could find organization and order in the chaos in their life right now. I pray for their hearts and that God wrap his arms around them and hold them close and comfort them.
In the past 7 years, I have come to learn that God wants me to be his Warrior Princess by praying! I can war on my knees, sitting in my chair, driving in my car. I have realized that this “ministry calling” that I have always felt is not in a “job”. It is in praying....praying wherever I am, whatever I am doing.
So, I pray!
In the past 7 years, I have come to learn that God wants me to be his Warrior Princess by praying! I can war on my knees, sitting in my chair, driving in my car. I have realized that this “ministry calling” that I have always felt is not in a “job”. It is in praying....praying wherever I am, whatever I am doing.
So, I pray!
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Day 1, 2020
Day 1 of the new year, and I have spent it in bed! In 10 days I will turn 49 years old. And with turning 49 comes thr dreaded word ...menopause. Yes folks, hot flashes have arrived to visit me a few months ago. It also has shown up with its wonderful friend, Anxiety. It gives me the feeling of fight or flight, and I just want to run...run far far away and hide! You see I already have enough anxiety to dea with. Trying to handle a full time job and homeschool a teenage boy with Autism and ADHD and anxiety and the responsibilities of everything else that I have to juggle is enough! I have tried to keep repeating in my head what God says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God,” Philippians 4:6. It’s not that I want to be anxious, but the chemistry inside of my body says that I should be. All I can do is to pray and ask God to give me his peace in place of anxiety. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27. Peace... God give me peace! This year’s journey will be a journey for peace.
I pray that this year you will have peace too. Onwards and upwards!
I pray that this year you will have peace too. Onwards and upwards!
Monday, December 30, 2019
7 Years of Silence
It’s been nearly seven years since I have done a blog post! They have been a crazy 7 years, years of spiritual drought and minor growth and a lot of eye opening experiences. Can you relate? When I wrote that first line , I thought of Joseph in Egypt, and the seven years of famine that God had positioned him to prepare for. I can try and look back and say that God had prepared me for the last 7 years, but I don’t think he did! Sometimes I don't think that God prepares you for a lot of things that happen in your life, because if He did, then you wouldn't have that "need" to just fall flat on your face at his feet and in utter desperation cry out for his mercy, strength, and help. The things I have went through before these last 7 years, did make me a stronger person, in fact, strong enough to be able to encourage a few people whose lives took the same path/direction mine had. It gave me insight and experience that they needed to help them go through it. Maybe, prayerfully, God is going to use these past 7 years to do the same for those who read these words now.
In 2013, I moved to Morehead City, NC, to do what I thought was going to be the thing that I felt I had been called to do all my life. A life of ministry. But, that door was shut, no it was SLAMMED in my face! A closed door that hurt deeply. It shattered trust with those whom I thought was supposed to support me and be on my side. It sent me in a downward spiral of poor choices and spiritual dryness. I walked away from God and started living my own life, which of course, caused more pain and distrust. I became desperate for love, and searched in low places to find. The lowest of low places. I stayed longer than I needed to stay, and it cost me way more than I wanted to pay.
It took 2 very long years for me to get out of that place, and in 2015, God did what God always does, He reminded me that only He could fill that empty hole in my heart. He did what every good lover does.. He chased me down ! He followed me to my deep, dark hole that I had dug for myself, drug me out, and filled that space that only he could fill. He showed up when I needed him most. He showed me that He would never take my dark, ugly, and sinful past and throw it in my face, and that if I asked for forgiveness, He would forgive and wash it all away in His sea of forgetfulness!
In 2016, freedom, through severe pain, came. I had never, ever seen that generational chains of bondage had been cast upon me all my life, but through the acquiring of an official diagnoses for my son of Autism, and the rejection from my family, that my eyes were open and chains fell.
2017 brought change again. More pain, but way more gain! 5 years after becoming a single parent, God blessed me with the man whom he had planned for me. A man whom I could trust with my heart and life. A man who prayed for me, and with me, and helped me with my son. A man who saw the struggles of my pain of wanting to be seen, loved and understood. It was and has been an amazing blessing in my life.
In 2018, we moved to Gates County, NC. It is a rural farming community, where the nearest Walmart is 30- 45 min away. Here is where our story continues. A slower paced life, but the struggles of life are still real. Full time working wife, mom, and nana, who still homeschools an Autistic young man with ADHD and anxiety. A woman who struggles to balance it all and try to have time to herself and time to do things that bring her joy and relaxation.
The journey is still ongoing, even though it has taken some twist and turns! Making memories is still my desire. So today, the next to the last day of the year, I begin this new journey to blog more and let God use what he is teaching me and showing me to help others along the way. I pray that we strengthen and encourage each other to keep going in this fight we call life!
In 2013, I moved to Morehead City, NC, to do what I thought was going to be the thing that I felt I had been called to do all my life. A life of ministry. But, that door was shut, no it was SLAMMED in my face! A closed door that hurt deeply. It shattered trust with those whom I thought was supposed to support me and be on my side. It sent me in a downward spiral of poor choices and spiritual dryness. I walked away from God and started living my own life, which of course, caused more pain and distrust. I became desperate for love, and searched in low places to find. The lowest of low places. I stayed longer than I needed to stay, and it cost me way more than I wanted to pay.
It took 2 very long years for me to get out of that place, and in 2015, God did what God always does, He reminded me that only He could fill that empty hole in my heart. He did what every good lover does.. He chased me down ! He followed me to my deep, dark hole that I had dug for myself, drug me out, and filled that space that only he could fill. He showed up when I needed him most. He showed me that He would never take my dark, ugly, and sinful past and throw it in my face, and that if I asked for forgiveness, He would forgive and wash it all away in His sea of forgetfulness!
In 2016, freedom, through severe pain, came. I had never, ever seen that generational chains of bondage had been cast upon me all my life, but through the acquiring of an official diagnoses for my son of Autism, and the rejection from my family, that my eyes were open and chains fell.
2017 brought change again. More pain, but way more gain! 5 years after becoming a single parent, God blessed me with the man whom he had planned for me. A man whom I could trust with my heart and life. A man who prayed for me, and with me, and helped me with my son. A man who saw the struggles of my pain of wanting to be seen, loved and understood. It was and has been an amazing blessing in my life.
In 2018, we moved to Gates County, NC. It is a rural farming community, where the nearest Walmart is 30- 45 min away. Here is where our story continues. A slower paced life, but the struggles of life are still real. Full time working wife, mom, and nana, who still homeschools an Autistic young man with ADHD and anxiety. A woman who struggles to balance it all and try to have time to herself and time to do things that bring her joy and relaxation.
The journey is still ongoing, even though it has taken some twist and turns! Making memories is still my desire. So today, the next to the last day of the year, I begin this new journey to blog more and let God use what he is teaching me and showing me to help others along the way. I pray that we strengthen and encourage each other to keep going in this fight we call life!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Beloved...My New Identity
Identity...that is what I have been struggling with! And today on this day when love is supposed to come easy, it is hard! I have been so use to being "This Old House", and this renovation of the heart I am going through is changing that! I am having to change how I see myself, and let this new identity take it's place. I am learning to be His Beloved! (click on the word to see the best Valentine's Video/Song I have ever heard!) Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: the old has gone and the new has come! Although I have "been in Christ" for a long time, I have not allowed the Holy Spirit to do the work he needed to do in me to complete this changed life. I am realizing that the Holy Spirit is the HELPER! He not only is helping Jesus in his work as Master carpenter, but he is also helping to teach me and show me, and counsel me. He is here to give me joy, patience, peace, love, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness and self-control. My flesh cannot do these things fully and completely on it's own, it will always fail. It is weak! But His spirit is strong in me, if I let him live in me and do it for me. He is he for the reconstruction work because Jesus is done with the demolition. He is teaching me about true joy and peace. He is showing me how to love! He is counseling me and telling truth to me when the devil whispers lies. (The devil is good at making a lot of noise and distraction around me though to try to drown out the truth. He causes chaos on the outside of this house so that the work on the inside gets stopped or disrupted just to see what is going on, but the Holy Spirit woos my attention back ever so gently, good man that he is!)
I've been at the beach for the past 2 weeks. I've taken a couple of walks on the beach on the warm days, and as I have looked out over the vast ocean, I think of how vast God's love for me is and I cannot even comprehend it! How he made the very tiniest of creatures to the largest and how everything fits together to make things work to the maximum potential. If we let him, God can do the same thing in our lives. He can take the tiniest thing and work it into our lives so that we can function at the maximum potential he planned for us too.
I want "This Old House" to become "This New House" and function at it's maximum potential. I want it to be filled with beauty and goodness and LOVE! I want the contents of it to overflow to whomever passes by and that they may stop and ask me who did the renovations. I want my identity to be known as God's Beloved!
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