Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Long Time, Many Lessons

WOW!! What a long time since I have written a blog. It has been a year of ups and downs and ups again!! Homeschooling and caring for a grandbaby is time consuming and tiring. I have also been to the depths of depression and at the heights of rapture. I have lost a friend, but regained a daughter, changed churches, and gained MANY new friends. I have learned quite a few new lessons. My biggest lesson... TRUST GOD! I thought I already knew that one, but obviously not. I wish I were the kind of person that was willing to trust easily, that my personality was a gentle one. I hate to admit it but I so envy those who have, from College, been called to ministry and have followed that call, married the right guy to begin with, have a gentle and kind spirit and have been so blessed by God in it all. My heart hurts to its core with the desire to serve God in a ministry setting and do it full time while homeschooling Ian and being a wife to Nic. The devil whispers to me, "why didn't you make the right choices, why aren't you that kind of person that has it "all" ?" Well... I have to say, with my head, God made me with this personality. God knew what choices I would make. He knew what hurt my heart would have to go through in order to bring me to where I am today. I guess I could question God about it all, but if I did that, it would take my focus off the present and future that God has laid out for me and put it in the past. You never get anywhere new looking back. I want to serve God, minister to those who are hurting, and if I had not been where I have been, I may not be able to do that to those I am around right now. God has a plan for my life. I am not ______ (fill in the blank with a name). I am me and I am right where God has placed me at this time. Have I always followed God and his plan? NO! Do I wish I had? YES!! BUT, GOD has forgiven me for those times and has picked me up and dusted me off and planted my feet right here, "for such a time as this." So my new mission statement is this, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 I still stand on Jeremiah 29:11 and as Ian is doing school, his verse in Social Studies is Psalms 37:5. I began to read that verse and then the rest of the chapter. Wow that is truly my lesson! "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight your self in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. ..."

Thank You Lord for that reminder today!