Wednesday, April 28, 2010

But God

I was thinking about the word but. Do you know what it means? in Webster's dictionary, there are 14 different usage of the word. I once heard from a pretty smart guy -Dr. Phil McGraw- that the word but erases everything that was said before it. So when you say something like "I love you, BUT, " the person to whom whom you said that to only heard what came after. or you could say something like "I like that sweater on you , BUT,..." meaning you really don't like that sweater! You see what I mean? That word BUT, that one tiny 3 letter word, can change the whole meaning of a sentence.

You know what? I am glad! Why? Because we can use the word BUT when we talk about our lives and what God does. You see I was born to average everyday people who didn't know God or love him or even want to serve him, BUT God showed up anyway, and my parents received Christ as their savior and then answered a call to become ministers of the gospel. I then bacame a preacher's kid. I had a lot of very hard experiences and tough times BUT God used those lessons to teach me things that I needed to learn for the future He had in store for me. I grew up, got married, and went through 10 years of abuse of all kinds, BUT God came and delivered me. He took me and gave me safety, and blessed me with priceless gifts. I remarried, and that marriage was not as tough as the first, just mentally taxing, trying. I failed that test and made some major mistakes and very poor choices, BUT God gave me unmerited grace and forgiveness, and brought me back to where He wanted me. I am still growing and learning, and everyday hope to draw closer to Him. I thank God everyday for the BUTS in life.

Doesn't that change the story? Doesn't it change all of our stories? It should! Next time you are having a conversation, remember the word BUT. Let it transform your life and your conversation.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

busy days

How do we allow our lives to be so crazy? IT seems that the more you want to just slow down and enjoy the time you have with your family, the more stuff fills your plate. I am now about to embark on a facilatating journey to "teach" scrapbooking and walk these women through journaling thier stories. It will be difficult at times but so rewading. I think I may be a crazy person who can't say no to anything, but I have so much I want to do. I know that I absolutly must homeschool Ian that is not an option!! And as a mom I also have to help charity get through school so she can support her and Kam. The rest is the beginning steps of the things I know God has in store for me. I get so excited about those, but I am probably geting ahead of myself in that. God is probably teaching me to enjoy the moments. Time is fleeting. These days only last for so long.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


as I was just checking my email, I ran across a fellow homeschooler from one of my yahoo groups that has an awesome business. She is an artist that teaches others to open up their creativity and do some art journals. I can;t describe the way she put it exactly, but it was inpiring. Her intro was just beautiful. she decribed it as her "dance, her symphony of grace". Check it out for yourself.

That is what I want to do. Everyday "dance" with God. But I find myself not as a dancer, but a stupid sheep who instead of staying on the mountain top to learn and just BE with God, a whirlwind, a tornado sweeps across and catches me up in its vortex and before I know it I find myself at the bottom of the valley again, where it is dark, cold, and lonely. Slowly ever so slowly, I begin the journey to the top of the mountain again and God in His glorious grace comes running to find me. He left the 99 in order to search for me before night falls, before the wolves come and eat me. We journey along the narrow path with just inches between the wall of the mountain and the edge where I could fall into the gorge below and die, but I am not afraid. He is with me and along the way sometimes carries me over his shoulders because I am not strong enough to walk myself or the way is too narrow for 2. Eventually we reach the top, and the view is breathtaking. I stand in awe at the sights and ask God questions concerning it all, but then I get so off focus that before I know it, the whirlwind comes again. I have found that it takes super concentration, super focus to drown out everything around me, (the view, etc) and just look only at HIM.

Why? Isn't He more beautiful than anything that He has created? Isn't He more amazing than the view? Isn't He the VIEW I should want to study?

My heart has a way to go. It has been wounded and torn by many things and people that having that much devotion to someone is hard. It shouldn't be, and to even write that breaks my own heart. God has done so much for me that I have no reason not to. I am such an unworthy wretch.

Father forgive me, teach me to only study you. Teach me that the view of you is all the view I need.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Day 1

While holding a new life in my arms, a life full of possibilities, hopes and dreams, I start this blog with those same hopes, dreams, and possiblities in mind. I have wanted to do this for weeks now, but the whirlwind of getting this new life into the world has kept me from it. Kamden Reese Bush was born April 7,2010 on my grandmothers 78th birthday. Kam (as we will call him) is my grandson. I have the priveldge, just like my grandmother did with me, to take care of this newborn and help with Mom's recovery because they live with me. I find it very funny the parallels I have with her. My mother lived with my grandparents during her pregnancy and after my birth till I was 4 months old due to my father being in Vietnam during the war. It gaveme a bond with my grandmother like no other. When we moved away from them when I was 6 to Pennsylvania, I had a kids form of grieving from the loss. Up until then, I saw my grandparents everyday because we only lived exactly 1 mile from driveway to driveway from them. I relished every time we got to go back for a visit. I remember crying to see my Nanny, I missed her dearly. I pray that Kam and I have such a bond. I praise god for his life and look forward to the things that He has is store for Kam. Some will be painful, some will be sheer delight, but I know through personal experience that the painful things are there to mold you, teach you things that God wants you to know IF you keep your eyes on Him and ask Him for His lesson in all of it.

That is what this blog will contain. Some painful memories, some delightful ones, but both will be a lesson from Abba God to make me into the woman He wants me to be, to bring into fulfillment the dreams, hopes, and possibilities He has placed in me.

God Bless