As we go about our day around here, we listen to our local christian radio station. A song played with the words "Jesus your presence is Heaven to me". I sat and thought about that. How many times to we stand in some exotic local, some great vacation destination, some beach or mountain top and say "This is Heaven!" when we have no clue, no real idea of what Heaven is really like! I mean, really, Paul even said, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard,no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." So how can we ever know until we get there? The truth is that when we stand and look at what He has created, we get a feeling of peace, and absolute amazement and breath taking awe. Shouldn't we / I feel that same feeling when I am in the presence of Jesus? Is that what Heaven really is anyway? Could it really be that Heaven is the presence of Jesus and that is all that matters. My feeble mind can not conceive it.
I remember years ago, when my girls were little, their father and I took a trip to the Dominican Republic. Our 5 star hotel room, with it's king size bed, tv and telephone in the bathroom (what else could a girl ask for) and a view overlooking the ocean to a small island that was the resorts beach was to die for! I will never forget calling home to check on the girls and saying to my dad, "I wonder if God would let me trade in my mansion in heaven for this?" Boy, oh boy, how sad that thought is now looking back on it. I have been blessed to travel to many beautiful places and live in several nice houses, but right now, living in a very old, single wide trailer in the middle of the sticks (and don't get me wrong, I am loving living out in the sticks!) is better to me than any of it! Why? Because every day I get up and revel in the presence of Jesus! Whether I am at all in tune to it or not, He is still right here, wooing me, calling my name, drawing me in.
Oh to just to feel this amazing, breath taking peace and awe that I feel when I sit down and shut up and tune in to His presence. I know that here on earth I can never know what heaven is like except for the feeling of being in His presence! I want to have that crazy in love feeling you have when you are newly married
and you can't seem to get enough of being with one another. I want to feel like it's ok not to do anything but sit and spend time with Him, but the devil
is putting up one huge fight for my time and my energy to spend the time
I want to with Him. Raising 2 boys all alone with no break is exhausting, and homeschooling is time consuming, and keeping a house clean with a 2 yr old, no matter how small it is, is a crazy idea. I so want to be patient, and carefree with the "cares of this world". I have struggled for so long with how to incorporate Godly ways into our lives and now that I have had this ah ha moment of "house renovation", I get it. It is still a slower process than I want it to be, but I know that as long as I keep letting Him carry me, He will get me there. My flesh is still so weak, and I am weary, but I would give up everything I have ever counted
dear (and feel like I have in recent times) just to get that feeling of His heavenly presence! So in the end, who really cares what heaven looks like, I don't even want to look around because I just want to be laying at His feet, flat on my face, and overwhelmed by Him!