Day 17 of this heart renovation process and here we are! Progress on this project is going slow, but it is still going! Where there should just be some drywall or dare I say stucco due to telling my age, concrete cinder blocks are being found underneath. It seems that in every room, there is a stubborn spot (wonder where I got that, LOL). But I am finding that if I hold on to that spot, lonliness and sadness start to creep in. It's those things that I want to continue to harbor in my heart that keeps God out and away. They may be just memories of people or they may be memories of sin, but either way, God speaks to me and asks me which is more important? I can't have both. It's either Him or it! I choose Him! With Him comes peace. With Him comes joy. With Him comes love, the love I so desperately crave! With Him comes...well, everything! Ephesians 3:20-21a says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory.."
Immeasurably? Did it really say immeasurably? Because in a building process, measuring is a pretty big deal! You are suppose to measure twice and cut once! So to not be able to measure what God can do in this renovation of my heart sounds like a pretty big deal! For Him to do more than I can imagine is a HUGE deal!! See I have an imagination like you wouldn't believe! I can sit in a mall or public place for hours and watch people go by and make up the things they may be saying. I can look at their faces and imagine what is going on in their lives. I can make up some stories! I even sit and imagine/daydream what my life may look like in 5 years (especially on days that you have another birthday like I did last Friday, ugh!) And if I imagine the very best instead of the worst case senerio, (which I often do anyway just to make myself supposedly deal with it and accept it, but I really only start another cinder block wall in order to keep it from hurting so bad if it really does happen. And 99% of the time, it doesn't) then to know that the joy and happiness is so much more than that is incomprehensible but I think I will take some of that!
So here God, sledge hammer away at these secretly constructed walls! Tear down anything that keeps you out and not close to me. I want you to hold me so close to your heart that I can hear your heartbeat, that I can feel your breath breathing on me, that I can smell you. I want to taste the goodness that you have in store for me, even though I can't imagine how good it can be! Hammer away!
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